Shinigamis don't have Halloween
by Ghost in the Machine13
Summary: This is why. An entry for Writers Anonymous Halloween Challenge.


**This is a little one-shot Halloween special I came up with, for the Writers Anonymous Halloween Challenge. I myself do not h** **a** **ve much ide** **a** **a** **bout Halloween, for I** **a** **m not** **a** **christian** **a** **nd it is not popul** **a** **r in my country. Th** **a** **t being s** **a** **id, I apologise in advance for** **a** **ny misinformation or disrespect I may have m** **a** **de in here, it is never my intention to insult anyone.** **A** **nd I do not own Ble** **a** **ch, or the characters.**

* * *

"So.. what exactly is this 'Halloween'?" Rukia asked, with raised eyebrows.

"Well, the origin had something to do with dead souls visiting earth and people disguising as monsters to avoid getting attacked by real ones or something." Ichigo shrugged, finishing his work on the brim of Yuzu's hat. "The thing is it's a Christian thing, and I am not the most knowledgeable person when it comes to religions or religious practices. But nowadays, it's basically a cosplay event; only you cosplay as monsters and all, mostly."

"OH.." Rukia felt intrigued, "And what do the cosplayers do? Go to some convention and compete, I suppose?"

Ichigo shook his head. "No. Mainly you dress up and go to your neighbours and collect candies."

"Candies?"

"Yeah, candies. You know, you go and say 'Trick or Treat?' and they usually settle for treat and give you candies, lest it's the tricks for them."

"And what do you mean by 'tricks'?"

"I mean, y'know, either you make the monsters happy by giving them a treat, or they pull tricks on you?"

"Hm hm.." Rukia nodded vigorously, "..so it's kind of extortion? Only you take candies instead of money? Human rituals are so interesting."

"GAH!" Ichigo almost fell off the chair. "Damn you Rukia! How come you always make the strangest assumptions out of everything?"

"I don't know what you're talking about. I inferred all this merely from your description. So maybe it's your descriptive capability that is at fault here." Rukia opened the window. "I'm going out for a while. Stay put." With that, she vanished with a burst of shunpo.

"Damn midget."

* * *

"Come on guys it's friggin' HALLOWEEN! Can't we even do a nice ol' trick or treat?" Shinji Hirako whined.

"Like the last 30 years, I repeat, no." Lisa announced unceremoniously, making Hirako's head hang by an unnatural angle.

"Besides, aren't we too old for that kind of thing?" Rose quipped.

"Come on Rose," Hirako protested, "Mashirou-chan can yet participate very well. Hiyori too. I mean she's flat as a washboard... and she's standing right behind me, right?"

The answer came in form of a massive smack of sandal.

"Your senses are working A-Ok, Hage-Shinji." Hiyori gave a toothy grin.

* * *

Ichigo's eye-brows twitched. "What is the meaning of this?"

At the door of Kurosaki Residence, stood a mini crowd, dressed in Halloween costumes. It was barely evening and half of the group could easily be passed for adults, hence they made quite the spectacle. And a tall blonde woman with a curvaceous figure standing among the group wasn't helping either. Result: whoever was passing by, stopped at the sight and stood gaping at the scene.

"TRICK OR TREAT!" Rukia, Renji, Ikkaku, Yumichika, Rangiku and Orihime chirped together, with Uryu muttering in the background.

"YOU LOT GET IN!" Ichigo shoved the group inside and closed the door, panting. Seconds later, the whole neighbourhood could hear his roar, "WHAT THE F*CK DO YOU THINK YOU"RE DOING?"

"Trick-or-treat." Orihime chirped.

"Extorting candies." Renji and Ikkaku replied in bored manner.

"Cosplaying." Yumichika and Rangiku said in unison, and glowered at each other.

"Uryu, you too?" Ichigo demanded.

Uryu's head sunk. "Inoue-san can be persuasive. Dangerously."

And the crowd was met with an enthusiastic squeal from the inside.

"WOW Inoue-nee, you look so good in that pumpkin outfit!" Yuzu's eyes were sparkling, Ichigo could swear.

"Well well well..now everyone is here." A familiar voice made its presence known.

"Hat-n-Clogs." Ichigo growled. "You're behind all these."

"Why, of course not. Not entirely I mean." Urahara whipped out his fan, "Kuchiki-san came to me, curious about what Halloween is all about, and I merely gave her a crash course. She was then enthusiastic about participating and I only said 'the more the merrier'. Then she gathered her friends, and I happened to have some costumes I had prepared at some point of time for no reason at all, and here we are. Speaking of costumes, I have one for you as well, Kurosaki-san." Urahara folded his fan, "Wouldn't want to be the odd one in the group, would we?"

"I refuse!" Ichigo crossed his arms.

"I'm afraid you don't have any say in the matter." Kisuke grinned. "Matsumoto-san, if you will."

* * *

 _Half_ _an hour later.._

Ichigo's blush was evident even under his ashen make-up. He was now shirtless, in front of three girls, and that was barring his sisters. And one of them sporting a bigger blush and another winking rather suggestively was making the matter worse. Inwardly he thanked Rukia, who was unperturbed.

He was dressed as the Frankenstein's monster, clad in a green slightly torn baggy, secured with black leather belt, and black galoshes. The bare upper half of his body had pale grey makeup, sporting several stitches, and bolts were sticking out of his shoulder and neck. Tessai could give a professional make up artist run for his money any day of the week, he had to say.

Renji was in a similar state of undress as him, except for the fact that he was entirely wrapped in bandages, with only small openings for his eyes and mouth, and tufts of unruly scarlet hair sticking out. But it wasn't bothering him much. Beside him, Uryu stood, wearing medieval looking frilled dress shirt, pants and boots, with black high collared cape. With his natural pallor, he almost nailed it, in Ichigo's opinion.

Orihime was dressed in the most ridiculous manner, in an orange cloak with yellow eyes and grinning mouth. By far the most inept Jack-o-lantern costume. But Matsumoto's witch costume had nothing on it. Ichigo knew, if nothing, this kind of attire alone may have been the reason for witches having a bad name or even having been burned alive. The black dress with vibrant orange borders left her cleavage to full view of the public, other than the fact that it ended halfway down her creamy thighs. Beside her, Yuzu, who was also dressed as witch, seemed to be an angel, who was staring at Rangiku, wide-eyed.

Beyond doubt, Rangiku Matsumoto was a bad influence to any and everyone.

"Um.. why am I part of this?" Karin asked, questioning everyone's sanity around her.

"How can there be a Frankenstein's monster without the mad scientist himself?" Urahara beamed at the girl who was now wearing glasses and one of Isshin's doctor's coats, "No no, Karin-chan, you're indispensable."

"If you're talking about mad scientists, I know the perfect candidate, y'know." Ichigo glared.

"I have no idea who you're talking about, but I'd be glad to meet him." Urahara opened the fan to hide his smile.

"Yosh! So where do we go first?" Rukia the succubus raised her trident.

"Oh I know! Let's go to Tatsuki-chan's." Orihime cheered.

* * *

"Ok this is probably the last time I'll see a bespectacled Dracula or a redheaded mummy, so I better feast my eyes." Tatsuki said, while pouring down candies on Yuzu's bowl. "And Ichigo,we're gonna have a serious talk about your state of attire, just know in advance." She ended with a glare. "For now, happy Halloween everyone."

"Now where?" Rukia asked.

"Keigo should be home. At least his sister is." Ichigo said, absent-mindedly. He was now absolutely dreaded about Tatsuki's 'talk'. _'I might_ actually _need to be resurrected artificially after that.'_ Ikkaku's cringe at the mention of the Asanos went entirely unnoticed by him.

"Exactly what are you two dressing as?" He heard Renji ask.

"Don't know dude," Ikkaku sighed. He wore a yellow body-suit, with red gloves, belt and red boots, and a white cape hanging on his back. Definitely some superhero, Ichigo thought. But he couldn't identify the character. But then again, his knowledge about superhero was upto Superman, Batman and Spiderman only.

"Oh that's Saitama," Karin replied. "The One-Punch-Man. You know he can kill anything, with one. Punch."

"Yeah?" Ikkaku grinned. "Suits me, then."

"What about you?" Ichigo asked Yumichika.

"Fuji Kujaku."

"I didn't know your zanpakuto has wings. Or that it's green. I expected lavender." Rangiku whispered.

"I know, disappointing, right?" Yumichika pinched his nose. "So unsavoury."

"Ichigo? That you man?"

"Hey Keigo, Mizuiro." Ichigo said tiredly.

"WHOA DUDE, you're like a friggin' hunk! Man girls gotta be drooling all over you.. what have you done?" Keigo's enthusiasm rapidly changed into sobs, "How am I gonna get any girls with you around? Oh Ichigo, now I see. That's why I have yet to get a girl. 'Coz you hog all the attention! Oh god why? I'm gonna die a virgin like this!"

"Shut up." Ichigo snarled in annoyance. "Besides what's with that beard? What are you, Caveman?"

"NO! I'm a werewolf. Don't you see the ears? HOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWL!"

"Ok you're overdoing now Mr. Asano." Mizuiro said in his characteristic deadpan voice. "So Ichigo, quite the group you've gotten. Entertaining the sisters? or Ms. Kuchiki?"

"Don't ask." Ichigo shrugged.

Meanwhile, Keigo was now fawning over everybody else.

"Oh.. Miss Kuchiki, I'll willingly give you my soul, if only for a kiss from your lovely lips. Oh is that you Inoue-san! your cuteness level is way over 9000! O lord Tus-ken-kham-en, may your humble subject have a look at your majestic hair? And lady whoever you are, I'll happily be a human sacrifice at any of your satanic rituals. Can I interest you to have a smoothie with me, Count Ishida? Man, I didn't know you had it in ya', dude. Who... " Ikkaku was wary now, "Madarame-san? That is the coolest Saitama-cosplay ever! You nailed it, with your bald.."

"Crap." Rangiku and Yumichika said in unison.

"Who're you calling bald, you friggin' PEST?" Keigo flew in the sky, like a rocket, with a high-pitched scream. Ikkaku was fuming with rage, his fist smoking. "I'm not BALD, I'm a SKINHEAD! How many times must I repeat myself?"

"If you ask me, that Serious Punch is quite on point." Mizuiro remarked, looking at Keigo's trajectory.

* * *

 _Two hours (and_ _a_ _sque_ _a_ _ling Mizuho,_ _a_ _nd lots of c_ _a_ _ndies) later_

 _Ur_ _a_ _h_ _a_ _r_ _a_ _Shouten.._

"Man I'm tired." Ichigo sighed. "So what're we gonna do with all these candies? I doubt dad'll let Karin and Yuzu eat so many of them."

"Oh I'll take it." Rangiku said. "Captain has quite the sweet tooth. And I'll also have to submit report about this Halloween festival in Shinigami Women's Association. Kurotsuchi-fukutaichou demanded I bring samples with me. Besides I need photos of everyone in their costumes." She took out a camera from her hex-bag. "These are for Seireitei Weekly. Shuhei told me countless times to take photos."

"I REFUSE!" Ichigo and Uryu said simultaneously.

"Speaking of Hitsugaya Taichou.., where is he?" Urahara asked.

"Don't know.. Taichou just vanished after we told him of our plan.." Rangiku pouted thoughtfully. "He can be stealthy when he wishes."

"I don't see Chad either." Ichigo said.

"Oh..Sado-kun said he's in Okinawa now. I texted him." Orihime said.

"Okinawa?" Ichigo sighed. "So they bailed out huh? Lucky bastards."

* * *

 _Chad's_ _apartment.._

"Captain Hitsugaya, Do you think Ichigo will forgive me?"

Toushiro smiled. "Knowing Kurosaki, he definitely will. Happy Halloween, Sado-san."

"We promised to have each other's back, Ichigo and I. I feel like I've betrayed him."

* * *

 _Elsewhere.._

"Ojii-san, what have you dressed as?" A little boy asked to a man, clad in black robes.

"What are you talkin' about? I'm a shinigami!" The man emphasised.

"Whatever Afro-san." The boy pouted. "You're lame. And old too."

"Brats these days.." Zennosuke Kurumadani snickered.

* * *

 **Everyone's costumes are inspired by the Bleach filler episode 304. Happy Halloween everyone.**


End file.
